John 2.0

John 2.0 – By John A. Stubbs

A young life with so much potential and promise, extinguished like the flickering flame of a candle, that was my brother Eric, dead at 15, then discarded on someone’s back porch like Monday’s garbage.

Just 9 months earlier I buried my mother. My beloved mother was my reason, period. Still reeling from the loss of my mother, one Friday morning bailiff’s delivered a notice stating we needed to be out by Monday. Just prior I had broken my lease on an apartment, so I could move back home and help my mom. My options were limited and the clock was ticking. I hurriedly boxed a lifetime of memories, moved the boxes and my two daughters to their grandfathers (my dad’s) house.

I fought valiantly, but unsuccessfully to save my mom’s house. My mom worked herself into bad health to get us out of the projects, into something we could call our own, and I lost it. Things were happening so fast I never had time to grieve. It was at this point I began to disconnect from life.

Approximately in 2002, due to an inability to concentrate, I was forced to shut down my fledgling business Mac Productions.

In the midst of all this madness and mayhem, I was trying to shield my daughters from all this pain and taking the brunt of it head-on. So they could focus on playing and being daddy’s little girls.

Well one of daddy’s little girls turned out not to be mine, DNA result proved that 100%. That would have surely killed my mom. She was grandma’s first, grandma’s baby. Her vindictive grandfather snatched daddy’s other little girl from his heart not because he loved her or wanted her, but to keep me from having her. Not my father. My daughters were all I had left; now they’re gone too.

I said to myself “well I have a lot of memories packed away, in my dad’s basement”. Then an electrical fire destroyed my dad’s house and he barely escaped with his life. Thank you Jesus for sparing my dad. We have never been close.

While sifting through mounds of rubble and helping my dad get a head start on rebuilding his life, both of my aunts died. I said, “what else can you take from me, I have nothing, no mother, no aunts, no belongings and now no children, Lord I have nothing”.

It was at this critical juncture, I found the one thing in my life that I do have and have always had. Jesus Christ.

I did it. I hit rock bottom, by doing so I found my source of gladness and he began to transform every part of my being.

In 2003, I restarted my business and my life in his name.

My oldest daughter is now 15, although I am not her father, she still calls me dad, and I still answer. It has been several years since I have seen either of them.

This was supposed to be about my brother Eric, but more importantly it’s about healing, and with that said I feel a step closer.

John
P.S. – This is John 2.0.

This entry was posted on May 6, 2007 at 5:39 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.